It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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