I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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