Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
