I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
