Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
