I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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