Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
