This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
