Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
