I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
