I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
