So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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