i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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