That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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