...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
