i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize