Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
