I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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