I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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