I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
