Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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