I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I pour the whiskey from now on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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