i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He better not be in your backpack
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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