actually, I'm a sock model
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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