Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
