Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
