Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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