When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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