Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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