so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
