I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
