i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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