My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
