currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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