so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
