Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
