And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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