I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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