I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
True college students do jello shots in the library
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