God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
