I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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