he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
