found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
