Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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