'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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