She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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