mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
