mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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