im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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