His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
