New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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