Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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