I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
