but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I intend to get homeless drunk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
