I want to make a zoo with you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
