I think I died a long time ago.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
