broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
