bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize