You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Found the puke drawer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
