I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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