So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
