you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
