Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
