I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
