if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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