im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
